I do not deserve love - limiting beliefs - part 1
Updated: Nov 24, 2018
You may have heard of limiting beliefs. They exist all around us. Where? you might ask, and it is a legitimate question. As a coach, its my job to support people to explore their limiting beliefs. It is worthwhile work. But if you don't work with a coach and aren't sure what you limiting beliefs are or whether you have any, these 3 articles will help you reflect on how the might be showing up in your day to day life.
In this article I outline the 3 core limiting beliefs and provide you with a scenario which demonstrates what limiting belief 1 can look like in the world:-
1) I am not deserving of _______ (this job, this promotion, love, praise, etc.)
2) I have nothing to offer
3) I am not ________ enough (smart, beautiful, interesting etc.)
Here is an example of what a limiting belief looks like in practice. You might notice that the 'I am not worthy of _____' can be very subtle, and on the surface, look pretty innocent. Here is a conversation which played out at my nail table as I painted nails for three friends at a charity event:
“Oh no”, she laughed “taking a compliment, cant do, never have been able to”. I had three women at my table, women who had been friends for years. They were in good spirits. I listened. “No”, said another “me either”. The conversation continued and later on one of them remarked to me “wow, these are really cool, you are so talented”. “Thank you”, I replied. Oh, she said, you just took a compliment didn’t you? Yes I replied, thought I could tell that wasn’t the end of the conversation. Seeing expectant face, I added, its like a gift that someone has just offered me, and I accept nice gifts. Oh, one said, I didn’t think of it like that. "Wow your new hair looks great" is often met with "well it was just so ratty before" and "that dress looks great on you" with "Primark!" I started to take notice after that day at the nail table and what I observed over and over again was the apparent discomfort which appeared to go along with hearing and rejecting the compliment. I’m saying rejecting it, because that what is think is happening. When someone offers you a gift, you either accept it, or you reject. Its the same with a compliment, you accept it or reject it. Let’s think of it in those terms.... Someone hands you a gift, they offer it up for you to accept. But you don’t, you brush away the offer with words designed to hide that fact. But why aren't you accepting it? Cue limiting belief no. 1 I am not worthy of ______. The unwillingness to accept a compliment shows up the form of a limiting belief; I am not worthy of your praise/attention/kind words. Ouch. Back to the women at the table, I asked why they didn’t feel they could accept a compliment. One ventured that it just seems big-headed. In what way I ask? It means that I agree with the statement, you have nice hands (the statement which had stated it all). What would be wrong with agreeing with that, I asked, you do have nice hands (which by virtue of the fact that I was painting her nails, were currently in my hands). She paused, isn’t it just big headed if I agree though? What do you think, I asked her. A debate ensued! Do you want to try it, I asked? Those expectant faces looked back at me. Try accepting compliments from one another, I suggested. "Emily, you have a very cool outfit today" (she did), "thank you" Emily said nervously but smiling. "Claire, your hair looks great." "Thank you" she replied, as they all laughed.
How do you think this limiting belief might show up in your life?
Want to explore this further? We love supporting people uncover and challenge their limiting beliefs.