I have nothing to offer -limiting beliefs part 2
Updated: Nov 24, 2018
Today we have the second in a three part series examining limiting beliefs. If you didn't see Part 1, you can read it in the last post.
This post examines the second of 3 core limiting beliefs which are:-
1) I am not deserving of _______ (this job, this promotion, love, praise, etc.)
2) I have nothing to offer
3) I am not ________ enough (smart, beautiful, interesting etc.)
I have nothing to offer the world/ this project/this relationship. This limiting belief if often to linked to the idea of being an imposter, a fraud who is going to get found out. Here we offer straightforward example to illustrate how this limiting belief could show up in your life, and a tool designed to help you explore and eliminate it! for good!
Laura is in a meeting. She has an idea, but instead of offering it, speaking up and contributing, words catch in her throat and she stays silent. Why would this be? There she is, ready. She is being paid, she has the idea....but, nothing. A reason might be the limiting belief that she has nothing to offer.
It might be tricky to understand logically how you could suppose you have nothing to offer when you in fact have something, in the form of an idea, to offer. Despite the limiting belief being in your mind, it might be totally hidden from your view. You may feel the emotion associated with wanting but not being able to get those words out, but at the same time, be totally unaware of why.
Often in coaching, limiting beliefs take a bit of uncovering to get to the surface. A client may get to the limiting belief, I have nothing to offer and know logically and keenly that it isn't true. But if you are not aware of your limiting belief, it might not be possible for you to have the awareness which allows you to spot where it is operating, and to correct for it. It can be an emotional journey to the heart of a limiting belief, and tears are not uncommon. But it is so worthwhile.
Imagine Laura in that same meeting after she has been coached to see that limiting belief for what it is, and she has worked to replace it. Even if she is momentarily prevented, she can spot the potential that that particular limiting belief might be preventing her from contributing. Having already had the time and space to consider it, she knows that it isn't true, and that she does have something to offer.
If you find yourself facing a limiting belief or thought ask yourself these questions, which are really effective from 'The Work' by Byron Katie:
1) Is it true?
2) (if yes to 1) Can I absolutely know that it is true?
3) When I believe the thought, what happens/how do I behave or react
4) If the thought was surgically removed from my brain, who would I be?
5) Write down the exact opposite to the original thought
6) Now consider, is the opposite thought as true, or more true than your original thought?
Be gentle with yourself when you do this exercise, it can be really hard to see these things we tell ourselves written down and staring back us from a sheet of paper. But they lose their power when you realise they aren't true, and you can choose to believe something else instead. Something which serves you, and will help you to share your amazing idea in that meeting.
If you would like to explore these questions further within coaching, speak to us by booking a call through the website.