You have a voice in your head that says horrible stuff sometimes, right?
BUT, I've gone from the voice in my head being a controlling influence in my life and the way of the things I wanted to do, to knowing how to handle it so it doesn't get in the way anymore. It's been a journey today I want to share how it did it, so you know that it's possible.
Sometime around 1990: I realise there is a voice in my head that says horrible things to me, encourages me not to do things and treats me like cr*p. I assume that it's just me who hears this voice and that I am weird, I don't tell anyone about the voice or stuff it says.
1990 - 2017: I am going about my merry way, doing things, putting myself forwards, trying to get on. The voice in my head is with me A LOT. It's mean and loud and leaves me feeling pretty terrible. I never tell anyone. I assume that the stuff the voice says is true and I'm somehow shameful because of it. So I keep it all hidden.
June 2017: I attend a training course in Camden with Inkling Group: they teach me about my inner critic, why it's there, and make me write out what it says to me, mortifying. The perfect looking training woman stands at the front and reads out her old list. I am aghast. She has the same voice in her head I have in mine. They ask me to create a character for my inner critic voice, I call him Brian. They tell me to get to know him and soothe him when he's stressing out. I tell no one about these revelations but resolve to practice things they taught me to quiet him down.
July 2017: I am getting to know Brian. I now notice each time he pops up, it's a lot. When he does say something horrible to me, I say 'hello Brain, I thought you might be popping up today'.
2018: I qualify as a coach. I pretend I don't want to be a Coach full time because Brian tells me I'm not one of those types of people and I suspect he is right. I am angry with Brian and with myself for being so pathetic. One day I spill it all in a coaching session. The coach doesn't seem to think I'm crazy and shameful. She's got a Brian too.
March 2019: I teach my first class about how to quiet your inner critic. I tell people what Brian says to me. I am shaking at the front as I read it out but it seems important. After I share my list, I am no longer ashamed. I am human.
Sept 2019: I tell Brian no more body shaming comments. I decide enough is enough and draw a line in the sand. To my surprise and delight Brian compiles with these instructions!
2020: I secretly wonder if it's my work in the world to tell people about their Brian's and be there to listen to the stuff theirs says to them and help them feel less shame around the whole thing. I consider calling myself the Inner Critic Coach but I don't quite dare go for it. Brian thinks it's a stupid thing to call yourself. Which is LOLZ.
May 2021: I develop the A.R.S.E method with the help of a wonderful client. It's intentionally talking to myself in the opposite way to how Brian speaks to me. I start using it all the time, It's encouraging and supportive and it works! (email me if you want ARSE details).
Dec 2021: My friend (a writer) says, oh I get it, Brian, because it's an anagram of brain. I tell her I hadn't realised that. I realise that Brian doesn't pop up so often anymore. When he does I know how to handle him.
April 2022: I become a full time business owner and Coach. Brian has some worries about the whole thing but overall he's ok. I soothe him when he's concerned.
Sept 2022: I write a blog post detailing Brian and my relationship. Here's what I imagine he looks like. Ain't he cute?
If you have a Brian and it bothers you, it does not have to be like this forever. There is another way!
I've done it. You can do it too. You deserve to live without a Brian running lose and giving you shit all the time. I can help you, get in touch email@example.com